Photo Tribute DVD

Please feel free to view the photo tribute DVD that was played at my mother's funeral today. You can see it above, or you can go to YouTube and look up Never Give Up Nancy.

Peacefully!

Nancy Lynn Farrill
Jan. 9, 1946-Sept. 5, 2010

She went peacefully in her home. We are all better people for having known her!

I love you mom!

Services: LDS church building Greenfield/Warner
495 S. Greenfield Rd
Gilbert, AZ
September 10, 2010 10:00AM
All are welcome.

Not Doing So Well....

So all of these posts have been a little catch up for me. I've been neglecting the Nancy News lately! It's official! We are on the DOWNWARD part of the Roller Coaster. In the past 2 weeks...I have seen a significant decline in mom. I hat eto say this is it...because as you all know, mom has 9 lives and she's only spent 5 of them! As sure as I hit 'publish' on this post, she'll bounce right back...at least that's my luck! If that is the case, I promise to post about it right away...BUT AS FOR TODAY, right now, she's not so good.

Sooo weak! I can't even tell you how weak! I had a hard time waking her today at noon. She would open her eyes then just close them again. Chewing food is not an option and drinking has become difficult. It has resulted in us pouring H2O into a childrens medicine spoon and pouring it down her mouth. Her speech is very hard to understand....I usually can get what she's trying to say...but I'm with her everyday....to the laman, you wouldn't get it! I am reading her a book to pass the time but still be able to spend time with her. She says she is not any pain, and that she is comfortable.

Last week, while in this weakened state, she asked me if I was going to be there? Yes mom, I am always here. She said, "but are you and Kevin and Courtney going to be here?" I said what do you got - a hot date? She replied, "No, in case I decide to die." I told her yes. I said, "You make the appointment with whomever you're supposed to make the appointment with...let me know when it is...and we will be there!" She smiled. That same day, she asked if I had heard from Verona (a close friend)? I said yes I get an email update every once in a while I reminded her. Then she asked about Bro. Weimer (her long time heaven sent Home Teacher). I asked if she wanted me to get in contact with these 2? She said I want them to speak. Then her speech croaked out again. I can only assume she meant at her funeral, since she was speaking of dying all afternoon. I don't want to beg her to stay, because she has endured soooo much, but I don't want to tell her ya go ahead and go right now. Everyday I have some sort of talk with her about how I'm OK, my family is OK, Mandy's OK, Aaron's OK. I ask if she wants to talk about anything. And I mention my Grandma ALOT! They were close, and I feel if mom does pass...Gram will be waiting to escort her away from this life. I want mom to know that if she does feel Gram's presence...it's OK.....it'll all be OK!

My brother is coming for a visit I think on the 4th of September. My sister told her that, and she asked, "That long?" Through it all, whatever she says or doesn't say...we crack jokes! I live to make her laugh/smile! If there is one thing that sticks out as taught by my mother...you always have 2 choices..Laugh or Cry. It's better to laugh!

Skinny Minnie !

So some readers of this blog will understand this post better than others! Look how thin mom has gotten?!?! She has always been on the heavy side. In fact, about 2 years ago, more or less, I saw ankles on her for the first time in my life! She was extatic! Weight loss has been her battle for her whole life. Standing at a whopping 4'9" it was hard for her to ever slim down. So when this whole downward decline began, I started feeding her all the fattning crap I could! And of course, she would refuse it at first (how the lady doth protest too much!) but then she would give in to the choclate sin!!! However, she still was refusing mashed potatoes, fried foods, etc..."It'll make me fat"! I couldn't get her out of the mode of thinking that....she's thought that way her WHOLE LIFE! So in the past year, I have been holding up her wrist for her to see...proving the fact that she was indeed skinny! She can't even wear my Grandmother's watch anymore...it just slides right off! her shirts are size small, but look how they fall off her shoulders in the picture!

Well as you can see, the past 3 months has been even more of a challenge weight wise. I always thought it was just a saying...SKIN AND BONES...but nope! It actually can happen! This is a picture of her holding her H2O cup. Just bones. I asked if I could post about it and she was actually happy to let me post pictures....saying, "I'm finally skinny!"
Well mom, just so you know...this is NOT A GOOD THING! Her little body is just not retaining any of the nutrients we feed it. Her teeth are even on the decline...but don't tell her that! She has always taken such good care of her teeth..they are still being taken care of, however, her body is just not functioning properly, so they are graying. At least she is happy that we can now call her "SKINNY MINNIE!"

A Day of Beauty - June 2010

So back in June...it was a day of beauty for mom. She was having an "up" day and it was unusually cool around these parts...so I took her outside for a haircut. Korynn was my little helper. here is a picture of the "after"...mom didn't want a "before"...so prideful! LOL :) Next we came inside and I polished her finger and her toenails! In a pretty summer pink color! She'd hate me for saying so, but then we plucked eyebrows, and chin whiskers...a dash of perfume and blush and she was beautified!

That same day, Korynn wanted to help some more...so she sat on Grammy's lap, as she has done so many times before and fed Grammy! Mom is so patient with this kind of "help"! I guess all grandma's are patient. Mom only ended up with only a few vegetables, a drip of ketchup, and some lemonade on her blouse! Way to go Korynn!

Here are Mom, Korynn, Kendyl, and Enna (my mom's sweet aide) after the lunch! I'm glad my mom can't feel much in her legs; cause whenever Korynn sits on my lap for that long...her boney bum starts to hurt my leg! :) These pictures are taken with me phone so forgive the blurry/grainy look.

No Complaint Zone!

My mom is sooo funny! She has just been on this downward decline for a while now. We all see it...even she knows it. This week it has been another UTI. (or so I think...I just guess at these thisngs because of her symptoms and I've been guessing correctly for like 30 years now!) Anyways, she has low grade fevers that come and go, her shoulders ache, and of course the new and improved UTI symptom --- wait for it ----the earache! I think her shoulders are truely in pain, that the pain escalates into her neck/ear area...a muscle pain caused from the infection! I bought homeopathic ear drops used to clean ears, and sometimes if I put a few drops in her ears with cotton, her brain tells her the pain is gone! Kind of like a sugar pill.

Anyways, last Friday she was wincing from the aches and pains. She's already on an antibiotic regimin to comabt any infection that might be present! But she wanted me to tell Beth to call the nurse and tell her she was hurting. I told Beth to call...but Beth, being the sweet caring woman she is immediately went to moms room to see if she was OK. She said, "OK Nancy, I will call the nurse and tell her you are COMPLAINING of ear and shoulder pain." My mom in her little barely audible voice said, "Ooohhh. Can you change the verbage?" What? Mom, you're not making sense. She replied, "I don't want you to use the word COMPLAIN. It sounds whiney. Can you say it a different way?" hee-hee! Beth and I had a good laugh over it! Beth told her she would tell the nurse that Nancy was feeling some discomfort in her ear/shoulders. Too Funny!

On those lines..TYLENOL is about the strongest thing my mom wants to take. She says anything else sends her to another world and she likes this world pretty good! Wow! Her one liners sneak up on you, but if you catch them...they can give you a good chuckle!

Mother's Day

Although a little late in the posting...we DID indeed celebrate Mother's Day with mom! It was a good one! I saw her Friday, Saturday, and Sunday! Friday was just my regular visit! Saturday, I took the kiddos, and Kendyl and Courtney played a litlle recital for her with the piano keyboard at the house. She LOVED every minute of it! Even when they made the keys sound like drums, then horns, then 'toots'! It was a gas! Get it? hahahaha! Even Korynn and Connor played/pounded on the notes a bit for her! It was Grammy's dream visit, I tell you! Then on Sunday, we all went over...even Kevin's parents and sister Katie. Mom was a little weak, but nothing new. She wished she'd been at church, but the visit brightened her day! She was wearing the pretty purple blouse I got her...she looks good in purple! I can see her getting thinner and thinner. Her hair seems to be thinning also. A shame - she has always had a beuatiful thick wavy head of hair. Anyways, just as we were ready to leave....guess who showed up? YEP - those cutie patootie Achievemnet Day girls. What angels they are! My mom's face brightened in seeing them also!

Easter

Easter fell on General Conference (church on TV as we call it) weekend this year...or did conference fall on Easter weekend? Whatever! Anyways, after years of it being televised on regular TV, this year it was only shown on BYUTV or the internet. So moms home doesn't receive the BYU channel, and of course no laptop...so she was going to have to wait for the CD version to come to her! This upset her a little. So we had her over for the Sunday morning session of conference. Traditionally we do not do really anything for Easter...church, stay home and veg. as the kids bounce off the walls from candy intake! But this year, having my mom over, I threw together a small dinner of ham, funeral potatoes and green beans with Rice Krispie treats. Easy-Peasy and mom loved it. Amanda and her group dropped by for a quick "Happy Easter" and then were off to their Easter feast with friends. Mom enjoyed herself and was pleased to see conference "live" for one session! Here are pictures of her with her pride and joys!

Achievment Day Angels!

I have known about these girls going to visit my mom weekly! But I don't know if they know what an impact it has on my mom, the other residents, the care home workers, and me! They are wonderful, loving girls. Visiting a care home full of eldrely, and handicap people can be scary and even intimidating...but these girls just look right past it! Please read the blog entry below by one of the mothers of the girls!

http://71toes.blogspot.com/2010/03/nancy.html

The ROLLER COASTER RIDE!

I wish I had a picture to show all of you so you will believe me when this story is done. I'll take one on Easter of mom! So here's the story - "roller coaster ride" that we've been on this month...ready? I know it's long...but it's interesting!

So we thought we had dodged a bullet back on New Years. Kevin and I have dealt with this several times over the past 14 years, so I don't want to say we are blaase' about it, but we just know my mom too well! Anyways, beginning of March, Amanda was visiting her on a normal visit day, and called concerned about slow speech. Kevin and I saw her that day after work and yes, her speech and demeanor told us that she had had another seizure. Of course, noone witnessed it, and the doctors and countless others say stroke. But I know my mom, I know her body and her ailments...SIEZURE! Anywhooo - she was totally coherent. She knew it rained the day before, knew her name, knew us! Just tired, slurred and slow speech. Brother Weimer and Kevin gave her a beautiful priesthood blessing. We left her at 8:00 PM. I arrived home and about 8:30 I get a frantic call from the home. Enna (phillipino and hard to understand when not hysterical) was screaming something about my mom and a siezure. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS SAYING! I said I was on my way and hung up! When I got there, Mom had definitely had another siezure. And Enna had witnessed it! (Yeah! A witness!) She was crying. I was comforting her and Leney (the other aid) because if you've never seen someone have a seizure, it can be quite scary. I was remaining calm..."It's OK, mom will come out of it. Calm down. It's over. Now she needs to rest!" They were still anxious. I was by mom, rubbing her hair, face, arms, speaking soothingly to her, but she was out of it. To put it so you understand..she looked like she was in a coma. The ladies told me Amanda was on her way. "Why? There's nothing she can do for mom right now. Stay home and rest, come tomorrow. (Amanda's pregnant!) But she was already there. When Amanda came in, she was soooo distraught; crying, puffy eyes. After we were sitting there for a good 15 minutes Amanda says, "I couldn't believe it when they told me mom had stopped breathing." WHAT? Ya, that hysterical phone call I had recieved was them saying that mom had had a huge seizure, and had stopped breathing. Then after like 2 minutes, she took a breath. No wonder everyone was so distraught! That explained everything. And now everyone knew why I wasn't acting like that....because I hadn't known...I had just hung up and rushed down to the home with no explanations! Now I don't believe she stopped breathing...moms breathing is shallow anyways, and after a seizure, it gets even more so! One time, when Courtney was little, she took so long to breathe, we had called the paramedics thinking she had stopped. But there was just a minute or so between breaths for about an hour! SCARY! OK, so she had just taken her meds, then had a siezure, and now was resting with a very slight temperature, totally unconscience. Her blood pressure was 56/44 - AAHHHhh! There was nothing we could do. We all went home and prayed. I won't say sleep because as you know a roller coaster ride gets your adrenaline up!

Next day, more of the same. The doctor came to see her. Blood pressure was still WAY LOW! Her temp was up a bit to 100. Mom was still unconscience and had stopped swallowing. This is BAD! Real BAD! If you can't swallow, you can't drink; if you don't drink, you die of dehydration. Plus the fact she would not be getting any of her normal meds beacuse she can't swallow them. The only way to hydrate her would be by I.V. They can't do I.V. in an assisted living home..you have to go to a hospital or nursing home. Mom had expressed her wishes previously not to go to the hospital, AT ALL. Her wish is to die at Veema (the home) with family and friends and comfort. I said no to going to the hospital. So the doctor, the nurse, and the Hospice social worker wanted to meet with me that evening. I knew why. It was time they thought.

OK, so on to that evening. Mom was still BAD. Moaning was all she could do. The only thing to open her eyes was me! She would hear my voice come into the room, and open them. That made me know she was still "in there" so to speak. I told her if she raised her blood pressure to 140/80 I would get her out of bed! She moaned , "OK." FYI: the social worker has known me since I was 16! Anyways, they (Hospice) all met me at the home that evening. The doctor said she wanted to start my mom on a 'comfort pack' which is morphine, anti-nausea, and tylenol. Basically, it comforts you as you are passing. I was concerned with the levels of morphine. I didn't want her to be "doped" to the gills because if she came out of the "coma" we wouldn't know the difference btwn "coma" and drugged! They took me in the other room. Elizabeth (the social worker) was worried about me because she didn't want me to have false hope or be in denial. I kept telling all of them, "Yes. This could very well be the end. BUT - then again, it could not! My mom is amazing. If it's her time, she will go. But if not, then she'll find a way. " I got the "talk" a few times that evening before they left. I told them I was OK if it was the end...but I wasn't going to 'that place' until right before because I had seen this many times before. I called Amanda and told her all of the updates. She had been there earlier, and I didn't want her to have to have 'the talk' until I KNEW for a certainty that it was the end.

The comfort pack was set to begin the next day at lunch. I was going to keep the kids out of school to visit her. That's how bad mom was! I admit, after leaving her that night, I was anxious and concerned for mom. 6:30AM - THE CALL FROM THE HOME! I saw the caller ID and freaked. I answered calmly. It was Enna. She was calm. She simply cried and said, "It's a miracle. Kristen talk to your mom." She put the phone up to mom. "Hi Kristen. I'm thirsty. I want a drink!" WHAT? AAahhhhh! Her speech was slow, but not slurred; very clear. She was very coherent! I called the nurse. I told her and she was calm; her words and manner was skeptical I could tell. She said she would meet me at the home at noon to administer and explain the comfort pack. I said I didn't think that would be necessary anymore. She said OK that's great, I'll see you there. I took the kids as planned. She was sooo happy to see them. She had color back in her face and she was swallowing. When Beth (the nurse) got there, she was beside herself! Noone could beleive their eyes. Her blood pressure was rising and her temperature lowering. I TOLD YOU! My sister was the one who made the comment about the roller coaster. It's true! Up and Down we go! But if there are rules to my mom, they go as follows:

1. Never underestimate Nancy.
2. Her body DOES NOT react to her illness and/or medications like a normal person. Everything is different about an infection, a cold, and MS!
3. NEVER GIVE UP! Seriously, don't start grieving until there is literally hours before passing...you just never know!!!!

MY MOM IS AMAZING! I know she is stuck in this body that doesn't work, and that she has been through alot of heartache and trials over the years, but SHE IS HAPPY! If she wasn't happy, she wouldn't have lasted this long....like 28 1/2 years with MS already!

She is totally up for visitors and was back at church the next Sunday! Only missed 1 Sunday and she is proud of that! Her speech is still slow, and she is just as memory torn as before, but she looks great, feels great, and is an example to all around her! Yeah Mom! You Go Girl! And a huge thank you to all of you for your prayers, fasting, and rosery bead rubbing. Heavenly Father hears and answers all of our prayers! Thank you!

Happy Birthday MOM!

First I have to play a little catch up! On New Years Eve, mom took a turn for the worse. The home called me & said mom was having some stomach issues. But that was all they said. I was going in later anyways for New Years, I would check on her then. Amanda then called & told me that she was there at moms, & that mom was completely non-responsive. She was only saying, "Yes-Yes-Yes-Yes" to anything you said to her. I came later to find that she was now only saying, "Whoa-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba." Kevin and I were trying to figure it out, when it hit us...this was exactly how she responded to a siezure that she had had years back. That siezure was caused from an underlying infection (U.T.I) that went undetected. From that siezure, she also was incoherent, weak, unresponsive, and seemed to have stomach flu also. We were positive that is what it was. Mild stroke was mentioned a couple of times, but mom was running a fever. I called Hospice & told them what I thought. The nurse came out & put her on a strong antibiotic, Doxycycline, for 10 days. Ibuprofen/Tylenol were given at 2 hour intervals to help combat the fever. LOTS of liquids. We were to give it 72 hrs to see if it helped. She recieved 2 Prieshood blessings. I was in constant contact with the nurses all weekend, and her condition remained the same. Fever going up, then down, then up again...speech still gone...very weak. I was concerned when the fever was still present after 48 hours, even though it was low grade. It still had not been 72 hours since the antibiotic was started. But they started her on a 2nd antibiotic for bowels; I can't remember the name. The ward & our family had a fast for her on Sunday. By sunday, she was coherent and speaking again, although it was slurred...we'll take it!
To this date...she is still coherent. We will never know if it was a siezure or a mild stroke. She is on Hospice care & they won't do a diagnosis, because they are there to relieve physical & emotional suffering, not rehabilitate...totally understandable. Her speech is slow, as well as her chewing, but she is able to have a good conversation with you! She is still making fun of whiney people on TV (they annoy her!) :) So her personality hasn't been affected! Her body though...it is very weak. Sounds funny to say a quadriplegic with MS for 30 years is weak, but it is visible weakness. Her body has been so stiff for so long. Example: her hands: they have always been curled in a grasping motion & stuck that way; very hard to open to do her nails. But now, her hands are floppy, even relaxed...like yours & mine! And Leo...her awesome aide that takes care of her showers...he always could shower her sitting & leaning on the shower wall, & she would just kind of sit there. But now she collapses, so bed baths are the way to go. She still has not gone to church...a fact I hear about often!!! Heck sakes...it's only been 2 weeks! She's so funny! But I am worried about the drive. The stop & go motion of the car; I don't know if her body would stay upright in her chair or not. So for now, the sweet ward is bringing her sacrament in! They are wonderful! As are the caregivers at the home! Enna took such good care of her during all of this. It makes us as her family feel so grateful for the opportunity mom has had to live in such a great home...not a nursing home that would've given up by now!

On to her birthday...mom recieved cards, cookies, flowers, balloons...you name it, she got it! Lucky Lady! Obviously loved by alot of people. I know we love her!